hello i am haiqa and i need to give a sooech at the start of the welcome speech for 9th graders.
it should also have a little humor and i need help regarding what to mention and what to not.

Funniest opening line I’ve heard? Usually, in stand-up the funniest lines come from something cogent to the room at that time. Meaning, it’s some sort of comment that relates directly to something that has happened before or is noticeable by all in the room. But, I’ll tell you the funniest line I can remember.

A stand-up show in a small bar and pizza place. There’s stain-glassed windows and the bathrooms look like sex dungeons. It’s dusk, so around seven o’clock in Seattle during the summer. Watching the show are a collection of average Seattlites, meaning muted colors, denim, etc. However, at the front of the room, next to the stage is this family of obvious visitors. All beautiful and blonde and the father was wearing a red polo shirt with a golf visor and khaki shorts. Obviously out-of-towners not normal to the scene.

The comic gets to the stage and says, “When I was sixteen this is exactly how I pictured what my thirties would be like, stain-glassed pizza bars, homicide bathrooms, and some vague father figure disappointed in me.”